Backwards and Forwards or thereabouts

Christmas is coming up and the Games industry is sending out the usual surge before that overweight old man with the comical means of transportation alledgedly and entirely illegally trespasses on your property and attempts to give things to your children finally arrives on that frosty morning.

You are the controller (assuming you like to dance)

Did you manage to get hold of Kinect? Did you succumb to Playstation Move? Did you get that labotomy you promised yourself all those years ago? Do you have a mint copy of Panzer Dragoon Saga?

No?

...


If you fall into any of those categories then you are buying into what Microsoft and Sony hope to extend their format's lifespan by a slider of years. They believe that adding the option to become what are essentially HD and (arguably more precise) Wii will allow them to extend their market value. Personally, for what is currently available on Kinect, it is a tad overpriced. Somewhere around £100 would be better but at the moment Dance Central and possibly Kinectimals are the only ones pulling my interest. Sonic the Hedgehog? Nah, not worth the £40 from the review aggregate and footage I've been seeing.

Well, if none of those questions apply to you then you'll probably be playing Call of Duty: Black Ops until Activision drop next years rinse-repeat. While I don't mind you all getting Fidel Castro's knickers in a twist over one of his many attempted assassinations, I do wish you would sample a larger palette on the gaming smorgasboard. One would - if not correctly informed - believe steadfast that shooting games were the only titles being produced and to an extent, you would be correct. We live in a climate where online multiplayer shooters have taken over; from children who are technically not supposed to be playing but feel a need to just so they can call people older than them "fags" when they put a slug in their virtual brain to your elderly grandfather who just realised that games are actually quite fun and not - as the television told him - morally degrading.

...and hold it. I'm not saying that Call of Duty is a horrible franchise. I'm saying that to the people that read the tabloids, it is ridiculously popular. The same kind of people who wouldn't play Star Fox because the protagonist is a cartoon canid or they think that Super Mario is for five year olds. The same kind of people that wouldn't know their Shigeru Miyamoto from their Walt Disney or their Sid Meir from their Virginia Woolf. We all know these people and we all ignore them as hard as we can hoping that they will leave us to our consoles.

Oh and if you do happen to have that mint copy of Panza Dragoon Saga, you can send it to me and I'll promise not to shoot you and bury you under a patio in the suburbs of Liverpool, alright?

1935? We know what you are getting at with this picture, Walt XD

Epic Mickey is also out soon. It's a game that I have been monitoring for a while because I remember when Mickey Mouse made video games his bitch. These days, however he is almost entirely marketed to young children and it's about time Disney changed that. The most exciting thing to an avid Video gamer and animation enthusiast? Oswald the Lucky Rabbit is back.

After the simple cartoon studio in Kansas, after the Alice comedies (and the first incarnation of the Bear/Dog/Cat Pete) and before Mickey Mouse graced us was Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. Disney lost the rights to this character however after he was refused a pay rise by Charles Mintz' back in the 20s. This caused the creation of a very famous mouse and Oswald was handed over to another Walter famous for a certain maniacal Woodpecker - Walter Lantz - which resulted in some pretty boring Universal-backed cartoons.
 

Capcom and Sega did right by Mickey

...but now Oswald is back under Disney and a Video game is the first medium in over eighty years to portray him in his creator's shadow. It's certainly the first time you are going to see him interacting with the upstart rodent that replaced him. You'd have to wonder what Disney would think about this. I'm sure he would have appreciated the interactivity in gaming. He was always looking for the next new thing in storytelling afterall and if Star Trek teaches you anything, it's that being the controller is definitely the future of storytelling. Remember Back to the Future 2? "You have to use your hands?" the kids scream. Think McFly, think.

Will Mickey return to being a legitimate gaming hero like he was in the 8 and 16-bit worlds? I hope so.

However, I digress. Next year is almost upon us and we have a lot to look forward to. The 3DS is very close on the horizon and it promises a strong opening night in the shape of some lovely exclusives. While these gems are mostly from who you would expect, including Nintendo's legendary banner flyer's like the previously touted Star Fox or the remake of the game of the twentieth century in the shape of the three-dimensional Ocarina of Time or Capcom's stable of strong intellectual properties like Street Fighter, Megaman and Resident Evil we also have some suprising showings such as Konami's Metal Gear Solid.

The PSP2 is also rumoured to be lanching next year with several improvements or refinements, including a touchpad and dual analogue sticks. Though, it will apparently be going commando without a UMD drive and be forced digital download only. While the UMD drive did drain the batteries quickly due to its moving parts and was roughly the volume of a man with a megaphone in the company of the Spanish Inquisition. Will Sony be able to launch this without physical media and succeed? Or will it go the way of the PSP Go? What do you think? Can you go without? Do you like having the boxes and paper manuals? Perhaps you trade in your games frequently?

Next year will also bring us Marvel vs Capcom 3. There are high hopes for this follow-up that took ten years to berserker claw its way back through all those licencing lawyers in Mephisto's domain. Maverick Hunter Zero and the She-Hulk were announced recently along with two characters making a return from the previous games - Jill "I'm a member of S.T.A.R.S!" Valentine and Doctor Strange (and bizarrely Conan the Barbarian) Cthullu wannabe, Shuma Gorath. This pair however will be DLC with Shuma most likely playing like his previous incarnations and Jill, now sporting her bleached hair and purple jumpsuit from Resident Evil 5 will most likely have an entirely new moveset due to Chris Redfield borrowing most of her munitions-based powers this time out.

Rogue learned to fly from Ms. Marvel

I'm still hoping for Ms. Marvel aka Carol Danvers. Already have Deadpool.

Which characters would you like to see appear in Marvel vs Capcom? Which games are you most waiting for next year or even this one if it somehow hasn't realeased yet?

In the meantime, enjoy yourselves killing insurgents in the 1960s, smacking down hollowmen with slightly choppy animation and the vocal talents of Britain, Assassinating allies to the Pope whilst rebuilding Roma, replaying GoldenEye without Sean Bean or whatever else takes your fancy this winter. This year has been a damn fine one for us.

Oh yeah, also I uploaded the full blip version of the Pokémon Heart Gold/Soul Silver review I did to youtube. All 13 minutes reunited at last. As Blackadder might say "get it here".

See you in 2002

Andy out

New episodes soon with any luck and University again

Well, quite. As luck would always have it where I am concerned, I managed to pass a bloody exam while being capped at 40%. That's nothing unusual, it's just how things tend to run off. Can't really say why, I stress when there is a paper in front of me. However, what this means is that I never have to look at that black, souless piece of shit module again and have re-enrolled into the second year.

Second year already? As they would say in California, "I know, right?"

The second year of course, means that I have to work out what I'm doing properly. Was difficult to do the daybook development thing when you are using characters that are older than some of your peers. I cannot remember the details about how, say a character that I have been using since 1992 came to be. Well anyways, I don't work like that. Mark me down. I don't give a shite. The characters I am using take a lot from me to talk about. It's slightly embarrassing to me. They grew up with me. There has never been a day in my life since I was six or so when one of them hasn't invaded my mind. This is a long ass time and makes showing "development" difficult. Maybe I should develop something new but with a revised, stripped-down count of about thirty active continuitys, I'm running out of space.

...oh and not knowing what jazz hands are, does not a bad haiku make.

Now, disregarding that and some imminent classroom politics related to this fresh year (People are being mixed up. We're getting it on more with the English people - or as I like to say, those who endure examinations) I will hopefully be getting some new gear and writing up some more videos. There's a possibility that I will take a look at:

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within - Certainly was my Final thought on the subject of Fantasy, Miss Aki Ross.

Advent Children: Final Fantasy VII - If this really holds up as a watertight movie to you... you have a case of the fanboy and need to be put down.

Postal - This one has been hovering around for a while. I'm ashamed to have watched it in order to review it, honestly and I'm really not sure if anything would come from it. The comedy is so poor and Uwe Boll is so easy to make fun of I don't think it would be great.

Hitman - Agent 47 played by Smallville's rendition of Lex Luthor. There's pointless violence and some weird sado-nudity thrown in there from his russian love interest... hang on. Love interest? Agent 47? I don't think so love.

So yeah, have multiple movies on the cards right now but no games. I really need to get back into making those. Last year, Uni prevented me from really getting anything out and, well, that has to change this time. I can't take another hiatus (It could however have been that FFVII review I did draining me). I've had some attention from the pros on my youtube channel and my blip has made me about 6 cents in advertising revenue. Sure, it's nothing... but it's a start. More than I ever made on youtube from 2008 anyways.

If you haven't seen my ongoing series, check them out here.

Here's my youtube.

This thing will probably upload itself to Facebook in about three days time when I have forgotten that I'd written it. Go team internet!

Schedule for today? More Final Fantasy XI (the overlooked but hard as nails/actually one of the most engaging in the series) and pizza tonight. Going to be a good day, I think.

Andy

Video Game Adaptation Hell: DOA - Dead or Alive Review [Part One]

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Into the second part of the wonderful world of Dead or Alive...

Have fun and pull up a chair as we see if breasts can sell a movie as much as they think they can.

Dead or Alive is owned by Tecmo.

Video Game Adaptation Hell: DOA - Dead or Alive Review [Part Two]

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Into the second part of the wonderful world of Dead or Alive...

Have fun and pull up a chair as we see if breasts can sell a movie as much as they think they can.

Dead or Alive is owned by Tecmo.

Video Game Adaptation Hell: Pokemon: The First Movie [Mewtwo Strikes Back] Review

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Join in on an epic battle between two legendary Pokémon. It's 1999 and everything about them is totally cool. Is this movie just a moneyspinner or was it actually a useful addition to the franchise? Now eleven years later we have dozens of Pokémon movies to choose from, so what is the genetics cat doing to ensure you remember he exists?

Pokémon and related media are owned by Nintendo and the Pokémon company.

Video Game Adaptation Hell: Sonic the Hedgehog The Movie

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Before Sonic Adventure we had... well, we had this.

The Hedgehog's movie debut look-over, Into the final stretch with a great big battle of blue-hued fighters and weird hangers-on armed to the teeth with vague metareferencing.

Also, global warming is a huge threat here all of a sudden. Should have realised that when there were no Polar Bears in the cast.

...and no, I don't count Bark.

Sonic the Hedgehog is owned by SEGA enterprises.

Video Game Adaptation Hell: Super Mario Bros Movie

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Were you enjoying a simple life in the mushroom kingdom? Well, there's this window to complication coming through the red mist to join you. Mario and Luigi, a pair of Brooklyn plumbers need to save a Princess from another world. Why not join them?

So how is the movie that Bob Hoskins called a "fuckin' nightmare" and Shigeru Miyamoto claimed had tried too hard? Does it have anything to do with the greater Marioverse we are all familiar with?

Had to cut it down to fit into the 11 minute youtube limit but it still flows.

Mario and all related characters and elements are owned by Nintendo.

Video Game Adaptation Hell: Captain N - The Game Master

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Back in the eighties, Nintendo were everywhere. They had cereal, ridiculous amounts of success and it was kind of like today with the Wii only it was considered hardcore back then. They also had a television series named Captain N that ran for two full seasons and a third alongside the new Super Mario World show that was all about them.

Letsa go!

Video Game Adaptation Hell: The Onechanbara [Chanbara Beauty] Review (Introduction Addendum)

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Re-upped with assosciated "Video Game Adaptation Hell" buntings ahead of planned episodes coming up. Hopefully soon.
I'm back in Adaptation Hell for you fine people... Join me in the zombie apocalypse as we join Aya and company who spend their days slaughtering zombies in unfitting attire.

It's hardly a game you would play for its gripping storyline so how does the movie that has no interactions to distract from the shambling narrative hold up on its own?

Oneechanbara is owned by D3.

Video Game Adaptation Hell: The Onechanbara [Chanbara Beauty] Review

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Join me in the zombie apocalypse as we join Aya and company who spend their days slaughtering zombies in unfitting attire.

It's hardly a game you would play for its gripping storyline so how does the movie that has no interactions to distract from the narrative hold up on its own?

Oneechanbara is owned by D3.

Video Game Adaptation Hell: Pokemon: The First Movie [Mewtwo Strikes Back] Review

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Join in on an epic battle between two legendary Pokémon. It's 1999 and everything about them is totally cool. Is this movie just a moneyspinner or was it actually a useful addition to the franchise? Now eleven years later we have dozens of Pokémon movies to choose from, so what is the genetics cat doing to ensure you remember he exists?

Pokémon and related media are owned by Nintendo and the Pokémon company.

Wario Blast Retrospective Review

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Back with a short Retrospective.

What do we get when we cross-breed Wario and Bomberman? Something awesome I'd hope but what really happens is we get the Game Boy version of Bomberman localised with a ridiculously popular usurper of Mario's Game Boy throne.

Green screens out for Wario Blast and why it's confusing as hell to be labelled a part of the greater Marioverse. Come on guys, give us a real Hudson/Nintendo crossover... and no, Mario Party doesn't count.

This was intended to go out before the Final Fantasy VII retrospective but I only got around to getting the video I needed recently and kocked it up in two hours today.

Wario is owned by Nintendo. Bomberman is owned by Hudson/Konami.

Resident Evil 4 [Biohazard 4] Review

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Back in 2005, Resident Evil changed like a zombie changes into a crimson head and had about the same impact. Whatever your position on the survival horror genre, this game tore the franchise kicking and screaming away from the model established by Alone in the Dark and the earlier Resident Evil titles and threw the player headfirst into close quarters with swifter, more deadly enemies.

While the title "Resident Evil" may not really work anymore, now that there are no mansions to really storm but you are still in for a ride.

Was change for the best? How does it play? Most importantly, what the hell is the Merchant's secret?

Resident Evil and all related characters and elements are owned by CAPCOM.

Pokémon Heart Gold and Soul Silver Review

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The review of the recent metals generation remake. Is it worth dusting off a Nintendo classic after ten years? We shall see.

Anyway, we're going back to Johto to check them out. Do follow.

Video Game Adaptation Hell: Sonic the Hedgehog: The Movie

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Those of you expecting a videogame review, I can't do that this time. Going to be looking at "Sonic the Hedgehog: The Movie".

A Sonic movie? Wha...?

Was it a Sonic 3 and Knuckles or a real Sonic Unleashed though? Lost gem or straight-to-video shitfest?

Was originally two-parts on youtube but I have merged both together into a complete review.

Sonic the Hedgehog is owned by SEGA enterprises.

Captain N - The Game Master

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Back in the eighties, Nintendo were everywhere. They had cereal, ridiculous amounts of success and it was kind of like today with the Wii only it was considered hardcore back then. They also had a television series named Captain N that ran for two full seasons and a third alongside the new Super Mario World show that was all about them.

Letsa go!

Psycho Fox Retrospective Review [Sega Master System]

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8-bit Foxes. How many can you handle?

Is two enough?

Let's go on a fox hunt to the obscure end of the Master System library as we guide our titular Canid into the depths of... black background hell to destroy an evil Fox demon with the aid of a random assortment of animal friends and localised religious objects.

The life and death of an 8-bit Hedgehog

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Sonic the Hedgehog... with attitude. Now 8 bits less attractive! Gaming's hero of blast processing slums it up back where Ninten-actually-DO for extra chili dog money.

The Hedgehog has had his fair share of the good and bad. When did the rot set in? It couldn't have been as early as the Master System and Game Gear could it? Well... Shadow the Hedgehog and 2006 might have been a long way away but maybe he had terrible games back in the day too. Just maybe.

Sonic Chaos and Sonic Blast oppose each other on the library of Sonicness. Come see for yourself. At least I don't see a Werehog...

Video Game Adaptation Hell: Super Mario Bros Movie Review

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Were you enjoying a simple life in the mushroom kingdom? Well, there's this window to complication coming through the red mist to join you. Mario and Luigi, a pair of Brooklyn plumbers need to save a Princess from another world. Why not join them?

So how is the movie that Bob Hoskins called a "fuckin' nightmare" and Shigeru Miyamoto claimed had tried too hard? Does it have anything to do with the greater Marioverse we are all familiar with?

Had to cut it down to fit into the 11 minute youtube limit but it still flows.

Mario and all related characters and elements are owned by Nintendo.

Doctor Who The Adventure Games: Episode One [City of the Daleks] Review

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*New epsiode: Blood of the Cybermen is out soon*

Ever wanted to be the Doctor's companion? Want to fight Daleks? Well, it seems that this is the closest you're going to get anytime soon. The Doctor unleashes his patented Sonic Screwdriver to deal some damage to non-Daleks and... sneak around.

Perfect if you want to get the Doctor on his knees for a couple of hours. Just don't get exterminated.

There's about two hours worth of game here for the grand price of nothing.

Get it here UK people:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/dw/theadventuregames/download/cityofthedaleks

I apologise if this seems a tad rushed compared to my usual reviews as I literally obtained, wrote and edited it in about three hours on the day it was released.

Knuckles' Chaotix Retrospective Review

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It's a whole new playstyle! Can you flip, spin and throw fast enough to maintain your speed? Maintaining speed while solving simple puzzles and gaining altitude is the name of the game in the absence of the Hedgehog with attitude.

I try and find out what the hell the deal was with the Sonic game that few actually played and fewer give a crap about. Wait... is it a Sonic game? Well that's debatable. It has Knuckles though! He's cool, right? It may look attractive but how does it play? Was it worth the £200+ to actually get this fat fucker of an add-on up and running? Is the combi system cool or just deadweight? Let's see...

For obscurity!

Zero Wing Retrospective Review

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Short review of Zero Wing (there isn't much to say), the arcade shooter that demands nothing from the player but all their base. Should you surrender your base? Or is this game not worth turning the main screen on?

Mega Drive exclusive too. None of that Genesis malarkey.

You are on the way to find out. Make some time.

Goin' Postal

Andrew can't come to the phone right now.

He has just forced himself through Uwe Boll's masterpiece of assery: "Postal" as he was considering reviewing it for his "Video Game Adaptation Hell" show thing... but fuck... it was worse than he thought it would be.


Ok, ok... so here's the level...



Sure, I could crack some jokes at its expense but honestly, Uwe Boll needs to just shut the fuck up. If I wanted to see a ginger dude shooting up the place then I would watch "Hot Fuzz", not this tripe that feels like it was written by a five year old who found his Dad's acid supply. The jokes are poorly executed and almost entirely derogatory to some group or multiple thereof. It's childish and gives gaming a bad name. When your opening gag is the destruction of the world trade centre, you know you have problems...

You want your concentration camp theme park? You want Uwe Boll to tell you that all German's are nazis who have their films funded by Hitler's gold? You want child fatalities? Perhaps you'd like several scenes involving the ploughing of a gargantuan red neck wife? You want to see Verne Troyer assaulted by "Monkeys" that are actually Apes? You want George Bush and Osama Bin laden playing it up as best friends and nuking China? You want Uwe Boll to make more movies from people stupid enough to license him their intellectual property?

I'm sure that you don't. It's enough to make you go Postal.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm not saying that the Postal games were a benchmark in the first place or anything... 

Another week, another load.

After managing to crack out a good few more videos of various types, I'm currently working out which and what to tackle next. I spent two days writing something that I'm not going to say yet but it isn't something that one would immediately think of...

...it's for Video game adaptation hell though. I'm thinking whether I should get a female voice to counterbalance this one... not sure yet.

Anyways, if you haven't seen the Super Mario Bros movie review, the Zero Wing borderline retrospective, Pokémon video, the most psychotic of Foxes or my little foray into 8-bit Sonic then I urge you to check them out. My Doctor Who Review has attracted some controversy. I had hoped that people could deal with something being called mediocre but, nah. Fanboys.

For example. I am a fan of Sonic the Hedgehog but I will say that he has shitty games (More than not of late). We judge game-to-game, episode-to-episode. Everyone has bad ones sometime.

Been having fun.

Anyways, been playing Earthworm Jim HD today since I don't have a script I'm happy with and damn it's good. Hard as all hell but good. I miss that irreverent style... and the cows. Of course, we can't forget the cows.

Also, E3. What are you most looking forward to there? I would love to go and try my hands at Marvel vs Capcom 3 but plane tickets are not the cheapest. Ah well, that's what real journalists (and pretend ones) are there for I suppose.

Drew out.

Updates, considerations and proposals

Well four days and three videos pretty much over on my channel. I delved into some bullshit at the cost of much of my sanity in order to report in full the horrors of Captain Nintendo, the mediocrity of Pokémon: The first movie (which I just managed to fit into one part - had to cut a whole bunch of jokes and cutaways though) and the retro fun but shameless cover-up that was Wario blast (It's a bit rough but it was completed in an hour). Bomberman deserves better than that. Really he does.

I have other plans but I'm not sure that I'll get them out quite as quickly. Editing takes some time sometimes and while I have a bunch of scripts, that doesn't mean I'm going to be able to get them down quickly.

In other news, I've been playing Final Fantasy IX since it came out on the European PSN last week. I love this game. Haven't had much chance to play yet because of all these videos though and I believe I'm just before the infamous "ooh soft" section which I shouldn't have to explain to fans of the franchise. I'd have to explain Final Fantasy XIII but that's a different matter entirely.

I've been thinking about doing a series of "Andy Talks" videos on each Final Fantasy game but I lack the facilities to capture gameplay from the Playstation games so I would probably have to change the format slightly. I've been considering some kind of collaborative discussion about what other's think of each one. Dunno how I'd manage that. Whether it would be interested parties with cameras and mics giving a for and against type thing or if I'd just capture a big Skype session themed around each game but hell, I don't even know if I'll get around to thinking about it yet. Maybe if there are people with experience who have different favourite and hated FF games to elect around, I could do something interesting...

If by chance someone reads this on Facebook, maybe you could elect your highest and lowest rated FF down there in the comments.

For now though, here's what I'm hoping to produce for June:

Andy Talks: Facebook Games
Andy Talks: Rareware
Pokémon Emerald Retrospective Review
Andy Talks: Black and White
Resident Evil 4 Retrospective Review
Mass Effect 2 Review
Super Mario Bros movie Review
South Park Rally Retrospective Review (if I can sort out some compatibility issues)

Again, not gospel. I may decide to drop any of them. The Facebook games one might seem a tad confrontational for instance and I haven't even started writing at least three of those. The PC version of mass Effect 2 is annoying me with its lack of controller support because there is no reason not to honestly. I know people like mouse and keyboard play but having the option would be nice.

Nothing too interesting then. 

Andy out

Wasted Weekend and other stories

So I had planned to work on a handful of videos this weekend again but I got a cold out of nowhere and my voice deteriorated into something that sounded worse than in my Final Fantasy II Retrospective. If you listen closely, you can hear my voice cracking from being slightly worse for wears in that one. Funnily enough though, that video itself was a remake of an earlier one that I did (the first video review I'd tackled back in early 2008) and it was absolutely bollocks. Enough of that rambling though. The next videos should be the following (as long as I don't change my mind and as I haven't done any recording yet they won't be coming up for at least the next few days):

Pokémon: The First Movie Review (Don't know how many parts it will come to with Youtube's 11 minute rule)
I'll *possibly* do the Super Mario Bros Movie (Nothing written yet but I have some ideas)
Andy Talks: Facebook Games (Not 100% with this one yet. It won't be a review)
Andy Talks: Rarest of Wares (The Rareware discussion. Still need to write this one, going to be a slight challenge to do.)
Andy Talks: Captain N: The Gamesmaster.
Andy Talks: Pokémon Black and White

So, I'm expanding slightly but, as of now, keeping it gaming. I have some other things in mind but currently they seem a little bit too ambitious and I would need to drag other people into things which could get messy. I also want to augment the "Andy Talks" playlist with some real satire as the MvsC 3 trailer overview didn't give me much to work with to be honest. Mainly because it's a good thing!

The mangina monologues: Comic relief

So with me recently picking up and playing that Wolverine game and the recent news of both Marvel vs Capcom 3 and the wonderful inclusion of everyone's favourite "Merc with a mouth" (...and friend to the Teen Titans - oh wait wha...) inside said game. I'm in the mood for mutant Canadians... amongst other things.
 
Anyways, with all the movies out celebrating the heroes of (admittedly, mostly Marvel) properties I figured that I should take some time out to think about them. Well, I should say that it is that now is Marvel's time to actually get good movies made. Let's use 2000's X-men as a benchmark for example's sake. Before that, good Superhero movies were few out of the many that tried. Can you name them?

I bet you thought of Christopher Reeve's Superman or Tim Burton's re-imagining of the Batman franchise (before it went down the Bat-shitter under Joel Schumacher), didn't you? Did you think of anything else? Maybe the Shadow? Captain America? The Phantom? Spawn? Steel? Nope. Did you fuck...

Before X-men we also had some middling entries like Blade which had Wesley Snipes playing that Vampire Hunter from Victorian London: Blade. Now, the first movie was arguably watchable but they certainly went downhill pretty quickly. Even the introduction of Dracula couldn't save that one. Granted, with all the hysteria around Vampires recently in the wake of the Twilight saga and all those tv shows about redneck nosferatu flying around, maybe they should try rebooting Blade.

It was X-men and the movies that followed it (Spiderman, Arguably Watchmen, Iron Man et al) that really brought Superheroes back into vogue. Now I'm not going to go out on a limb here and saying that everything they tried turned to gold. In my opinion they ruined Daredevil, the first attempt at the Incredible Hulk (by Ang Lee no less) and I would have much rather taken up Ben's proposal for a clobberin' time than sit through both of the Fantastic Four movies again. They ruined Doctor Doom for me. The worst? Catwoman. No doubt. It was even less entertaining than the screen adaptation of "From Hell" and made about as much sense as much sense as it would for Rorschach to suddenly embrace socialism. If you want Catwoman, watch Batman Returns - it is a mental movie but it's a good movie. When I watched Halle Berry's stunt double backflip through the recent Catwoman I was thinking to myself, "Well, I hope the Batman shows up and rund her over before my brain seeps through my ears". Though, she was ok as Ororo Munroe in the previously mentioned X-men films.

You may not like comic books, superheroes or shifting continuities but, let's face it kids - You have heard of the Batman. You know who Spiderman is and you could, given a few moments, name the original line-up of the X-men. These fictional worlds are ridiculously popular even with people who have never flicked through comic books. These heroes are capable of doing things that most people, regardless of their stance on sequential art, wish they could.

Come on... tell me you wouldn't want to be like Wolverine when you're in a particular situation. Granted, we wouldn't want to experience most of his life or the lives of most of his friends but dammit, we want to be able to regenerate huge portions of our anatomy while skewering fuckers to a wall... well, it sure beats accidentally killing someone by sleeping with them anyways, Shugar.

If anyone though, I'd have to say my favourite would be Marvel's Deadpool (Though there are many characters I enjoy almost as much). Sure, YOU probably never heard of him before but the way things are going, you soon will. He's up for the next X-men movie after playing a significant role in the last one. I'm not personally convinced that Mr. Ryan Renolds is the best way to go with the character as I really liked Nolan North's characterisation in the Hulk vs. Wolverine cartoon. For those of you who are up to speed with gaming, you'll know North as the go-to snarker in the industry, providing vocalisation for Uncharted's Nathan Drake and Assassin's Creed's Desmond Miles amongst others. I haven't heard him playing any other archetype though.

Deadpool is a parody. He (Wade Wilson) is a Marvel comics parody of Deathstroke (Slade Wilson) from the DC Universe.

For comparison, this is Deadpool the "Merc with a mouth":

Deadpool is a character that was relatively unknown until recently. He, like most hovers around the X-men and related comics - pairing up with Cable for a long stint and proving to be modestly popular. However, since the new milennium kicked off, we seem to have developed a taste for not only Superhero fiction once again but for Daddy Deadpool and his unique brand of... oh, to hell with it all! He's an anarchist. He's here, he knows more than everyone else and he damn well knows that he's in a comic book.

Whether he's wondering if he still thinks in those little yellow boxes, explaining the gameplay mechanics or beating someone to death with his own health bar (Confirmed as his super in Marvel vs Capcom 3) - he is doing it with style and he isn't going to let Weapon X get in his way.

Meanwhile, this is Deathstroke the Terminator:

Slade was one of the major villains for the Teen Titans and was successful enough to be duplicated into the character of Rose Wilson - his daughter - so that his awesomeness could continue into another generation. Ok, this guy plays it serious. So serious that he was an almost unrecognisable character when the insanely Japanophillic Toon Titans hit the Cartoon Network. Which was a shame because this guy and the Teen Titans could have been so much more ten years earlier with the Bruce Timms treatment like his fellow Gothamites received.

I'm not going to go into the Justice League cartoon...

So, I was saying that this guy is a badass? He makes the Joker look like a pussy - which is funny because Slade and the Clown Prince were the only members of DC's lineup to have their fatalities censored in the US version of Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe. Yep, you heard me. Censored in America... for the use of guns. Obviously, above are the uncensored ones from the European version... this is the guy that made Robin man up. This is the guy who will kill you in your sleep if the price is agreed.

...and before you ask, yes he is aware and no, you do not have to tell him.

I challenge you to not find that cool. Seriously. He's just standing there and admitting to ripping off someone who could kick the shit out of the Batman. His healing factor better not pack up.

...but what did Hollywood do to him? Motherfuckers... they sealed Deadpool's mouth? What the hell. They castrated him and turned him into a generic monster. I'm not going to comment anymore...

So yeah, comic books. Movies, related TV shows and stuff. They are culturally important and, while things don't always work out well, it's nice to know you can mesh art and text together and make it run for eighty years. Cinema has its acceptance, Comics are almost there and Video games, well... will be there when people actually realise what they have been missing stuck with what they know. 

What do you think about comic books and their spin-offs in other media? Who would you like to see in Marvel vs Capcom 3's roster from Marvel or Capcom?


I'd like Jill Valentine back...

Andy out.

New Review going up tomorrow...

Just completed the editing for the first part of the Sonic the Hedgehog: The movie review. The first ad-hoc review for a movie that I've completed. I didn't want to stray too far away from gaming with this so it's obviously still in that kind of territory.

It'll hopefully be up on my channel tomorrow.

Part two will go up whenever I can be bothered to actually finish it.

Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) Review

I guess I can dump one of my old text reviews in here...

Back in 2006 when this game came around, I'll admit; I was tentatively hopeful for the promises made that this would be the game the Hedgehog's fans had been hoping for. I was willing to overlook the inclusion of Shadow and Silver. Willing to buy the game at full retail price. Willing to do a lot of things with it behind the bike sheds.

Then it came out and ruined everything... EVERYTHING.

So back in the December of 2006, I picked up my laptop and wrote a text review that I intended to upload to Eurogamer.net as a reader review. An hour or so later I had it uploaded (explaining the mistakes in the initial upload) and was thinking about Sonic's future once again.

Without any more bullshit, here is the review for Sega's epic opus... "Sonic the Hedgehog (2006)"

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Sonic the Hedgehog

Spinning around on promises.

Many were actually hoping for a return to form for a classic gaming icon: "Sonic the hedgehog" (You might remember him being an icon. Now he hangs out with 80s TV entertainers and Courtney Love doing "anything" for a penny) is his name. The name that takes you back to bouncing on Caterkillers as you ran through marbled ruins in the swiftest possible timeframe. The premise was simple when it was announced - Sonic's rebirth, a reinvention of the franchise that would revolutionize speed like the Mega Drive original. What we actually get is somewhat less euphoric; some points even actually manage to downgrade the experience from 2005's woeful Shadow the hedgehog. Sega just miss the platform with this one... tellingly, so will you.

 Though you can't expect much from a game that doesn't even remember it's own canon. Touted as being "Sonic's first foray into the human world" proves that Sega's not played their own games for quite a number of years. Totally ignoring Station Square’s population of badly rendered humans and central city in its sequels is a little silly because at the same time this game is trying to be Sonic adventure. Though this game does have some awesome points they are too often overshadowed by familiar complaints that seem to affect every 3D Sonic. The useless camera is still a Sonic team trademark. It revels in making you fall off gaps you didn't even see until you were already in them and with limited lives this can get frustrating. Especially because they send you back to your last save when spent.

Firing the canon...!

 All the usual characters are present and accounted for (Contrary to Sega's promise of few characters) - Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Eggman, Rouge, Omega, Shadow et al. There are newcomers too in the futuristic Silver and the oddly retconned Blaze the cat (From the wonderfully black and strong Sonic Rush). All the characters have been changed, some for good while others feel wrongly adjusted. Tails for instance lacks any real form of attack. Gone are his spin attack and tail attack and in come throwable ring boxes (Which he can also use while possessing zero rings bizarrely) that are meant to be targeted from a first person perspective. The lack of a cross-hair and actual aim time however make it difficult and you'll find yourself avoiding conflict entirely or firing blind due to the robots reloading time compared to yours. He has also been slowed down quite significantly. Amy can only use her hammer from a standing position meaning that she has to get dreadfully close to land a hit and often receiving unfair counter-attacks in the process. Blaze converts very well and from her level it makes you kind of wish the game was called "Blaze the cat". Rouge isn't bad either but Omega seems to be doing a feeble impression of Gamma and Tails' mech. Sonic and Shadow can no longer attach themselves to walls at will which means the falls cannot be stopped. I guess gimping Tails was their reinvention.

Game design?

The game is divided into chapters representing Sonic, Shadow and Silver's stories, though Shadow and Silver are initially locked. During the course of the narrative the three tales intertwine and at these points they become unlocked. The titular blue hedgehog is as you would expect pretty damn fast. The problem is that his control's aren't too tight and he often commits suicide to such a degree that he almost faces a lawsuit from Sony's green-haired rodents. His levels are built around speed supposedly but that doesn't prevent him from having to pit stop to dispatch a few enemies with his homing attack "skillz" (Mainly because his "spin attack" jump no longer deals any damage, in fact you are hurt if you try to simply leap into an enemy). All too often he is lumbered with babysitting Princess "Kairi" Elise who allows him to utilize a strange shield that protects him from his ultimate nemesis... the water/sand of death (Which is good considering most of the time at speed there's barely any clues of the sand being different). Oddly it doesn't knock enemies aside or help in any real way when you're trying to blast through a level. Shadow is back too and his levels are similar to Sonic's but with the additional bane of many, many enemies. To compensate he comes with a combo kick (Read: Press A to beat game) added to his homing attack and some fancy chaos attacks that are dreadfully fiddly to use (Activating chaos actually destroys homing attack sections). Luckily the guns are gone but he retains the vehicles that nobody even used anyways (Although now certain sections demand him to handle like a dead pig in a burned out car that happens to be on bricks). Shadow has been slowed down too which must be some kind of masochistic way of encouraging vehicle use. Silver is a change of pace as he is fairly slow on his feet and requires some thinking about. He can also move things with his mind! Some puzzles are a joke while others are much more devious (Like knocking a ball-bomb down a passageway filled with holes with just his psychopunch... uh... thing). He can glide without losing altitude to a limited degree and can throw almost everything, don't expect any form of targeting though. Sadly Sonic and Shadow in general are a more enjoyable experience.

 Technically we should rename this game Sonic adventure 2.5 as it attempts to keep itself steadfast in the Dreamcast era. Graphically the characters look quite nice and generally they are animated quite well. After a jump or fall however Sonic lands on straight legs which is kind of weird to the eyes and probably to his bones. The scenery is a little lacking in areas but sometimes is great (Especially the future). The effects on the water are horrendous; You are capable of knocking a huge stone tower into the water without causing a slight splash. Surely the Xbox360 is capable of this little detail. In fact the whole game has its points where you find the frame rate going to hell repeatedly - particularly in Silver's stages. The enemies come in Robot or monster varieties, the robots being the most detailed. The fire monsters appear to be retextures of the Black arms aliens from Shadow's solo outing.

There's another type of level too - Town stages. These attempt to reflect the town's you encounter within RPG games with little side quests and places to buy new abilities (Like the totally not useful scale technique that lets Sonic go tiny). Sorry Sega, we don't play a speedy game like Sonic to shuffle around town like a malformed (and now scaled down) big issue salesperson. The loading times between these places are bad but nothing compared to the side missions. Talk to a person who has a problem that needs solving and it begins loading... a line of dialogue pops up and you are ready for the game. Oh wait, what's this? More loading. Now you're into the action and there couldn't be any more loading, right? Wrong! Whether you are successful or not it loads again afterwards. What's worth noting is that most of the missions take place in a zone that is already loaded in order to first talk to the mission-giver. This game loads literally everything. Though the cutscenes don't take half as long to load. Possibly loading time is calculated by people who happen to love 4kids?

Blasting off...

Technical and gameplay points aside however we have a game. Game's have to get a narrative, right? Well that's here too. Voiced by those wonderful "talented" people that gave Pokémon's Meowth a Brooklyn accent and more recently gave voices to papier mache. You'd half expect Knuckles to challenge you to a d-d-d-duel and make up rules as he goes along. The story isn't exactly complicated but it seems a little too much for the little blue milk thief. They've taken the Mario concept and tried to pull a Final fantasy with some Back to the future/Terminator added presumably with chaos control. Sonic's attraction to the human princess also feels a little wrong. Remember when you were performing fatalities when your parents were watching? Yeah, like that.

Any Sonic fan before 1997 would expect to find this game under someone's foot or crushed in the road like Sonic's own family (If they didn't have a heart-attack from the graphics that is). Anyone born close to '98 just expects this from Sonic by now. It's really quite degrading to the one who once challenged the might of Mario to be subjected to these constant niggles. Maybe now he's in Brawl he'll actually be in an excellent game. This one is decidedly average.

Graphics: Player character model are the only remotely detailed things in the game. Shame really.

Gameplay: Three basic characters with various abilities. See Sonic adventure.

Lifespan: If you can deal with collecting everything then a fair bit. Or until Silver grabs you twice in succession.

Overall: 62% (Being very generous)

Extra: I wrote this before the Playstation 3 got its "version" but after looking into it I discovered they actually trimmed the background to remove slowdown which gives most of the levels a more barren and clinical feel. It should be noted that the slowdown is nonetheless still present however.

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...and now, the Sonic cycle begins anew with Sonic the Hedgehog 4 promising to return Hedgehog-flinging to its roots of side-scrolling and busting small animals out of machines. If anyone can do it then DIMPS can...

Hopefully get more Sonic-related stuff out soon on my Youtube account.

Welcome to the Drewniverse.

Hi there.

Well after much resistance, I'm going to try my hand at this blog lark.

I'll probably use this to do text reviews, talk crap and just generally be an arse. Don't have time to add anything right now though because I have essays for University that need my attention.