Video Game Adaptation Hell: The Onechanbara [Chanbara Beauty] Review

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Join me in the zombie apocalypse as we join Aya and company who spend their days slaughtering zombies in unfitting attire.

It's hardly a game you would play for its gripping storyline so how does the movie that has no interactions to distract from the narrative hold up on its own?

Oneechanbara is owned by D3.

Video Game Adaptation Hell: Pokemon: The First Movie [Mewtwo Strikes Back] Review

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Join in on an epic battle between two legendary Pokémon. It's 1999 and everything about them is totally cool. Is this movie just a moneyspinner or was it actually a useful addition to the franchise? Now eleven years later we have dozens of Pokémon movies to choose from, so what is the genetics cat doing to ensure you remember he exists?

Pokémon and related media are owned by Nintendo and the Pokémon company.

Wario Blast Retrospective Review

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Back with a short Retrospective.

What do we get when we cross-breed Wario and Bomberman? Something awesome I'd hope but what really happens is we get the Game Boy version of Bomberman localised with a ridiculously popular usurper of Mario's Game Boy throne.

Green screens out for Wario Blast and why it's confusing as hell to be labelled a part of the greater Marioverse. Come on guys, give us a real Hudson/Nintendo crossover... and no, Mario Party doesn't count.

This was intended to go out before the Final Fantasy VII retrospective but I only got around to getting the video I needed recently and kocked it up in two hours today.

Wario is owned by Nintendo. Bomberman is owned by Hudson/Konami.

Resident Evil 4 [Biohazard 4] Review

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Back in 2005, Resident Evil changed like a zombie changes into a crimson head and had about the same impact. Whatever your position on the survival horror genre, this game tore the franchise kicking and screaming away from the model established by Alone in the Dark and the earlier Resident Evil titles and threw the player headfirst into close quarters with swifter, more deadly enemies.

While the title "Resident Evil" may not really work anymore, now that there are no mansions to really storm but you are still in for a ride.

Was change for the best? How does it play? Most importantly, what the hell is the Merchant's secret?

Resident Evil and all related characters and elements are owned by CAPCOM.

Pokémon Heart Gold and Soul Silver Review

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The review of the recent metals generation remake. Is it worth dusting off a Nintendo classic after ten years? We shall see.

Anyway, we're going back to Johto to check them out. Do follow.

Video Game Adaptation Hell: Sonic the Hedgehog: The Movie

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Those of you expecting a videogame review, I can't do that this time. Going to be looking at "Sonic the Hedgehog: The Movie".

A Sonic movie? Wha...?

Was it a Sonic 3 and Knuckles or a real Sonic Unleashed though? Lost gem or straight-to-video shitfest?

Was originally two-parts on youtube but I have merged both together into a complete review.

Sonic the Hedgehog is owned by SEGA enterprises.

Captain N - The Game Master

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Back in the eighties, Nintendo were everywhere. They had cereal, ridiculous amounts of success and it was kind of like today with the Wii only it was considered hardcore back then. They also had a television series named Captain N that ran for two full seasons and a third alongside the new Super Mario World show that was all about them.

Letsa go!

Psycho Fox Retrospective Review [Sega Master System]

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8-bit Foxes. How many can you handle?

Is two enough?

Let's go on a fox hunt to the obscure end of the Master System library as we guide our titular Canid into the depths of... black background hell to destroy an evil Fox demon with the aid of a random assortment of animal friends and localised religious objects.

The life and death of an 8-bit Hedgehog

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Sonic the Hedgehog... with attitude. Now 8 bits less attractive! Gaming's hero of blast processing slums it up back where Ninten-actually-DO for extra chili dog money.

The Hedgehog has had his fair share of the good and bad. When did the rot set in? It couldn't have been as early as the Master System and Game Gear could it? Well... Shadow the Hedgehog and 2006 might have been a long way away but maybe he had terrible games back in the day too. Just maybe.

Sonic Chaos and Sonic Blast oppose each other on the library of Sonicness. Come see for yourself. At least I don't see a Werehog...

Video Game Adaptation Hell: Super Mario Bros Movie Review

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Were you enjoying a simple life in the mushroom kingdom? Well, there's this window to complication coming through the red mist to join you. Mario and Luigi, a pair of Brooklyn plumbers need to save a Princess from another world. Why not join them?

So how is the movie that Bob Hoskins called a "fuckin' nightmare" and Shigeru Miyamoto claimed had tried too hard? Does it have anything to do with the greater Marioverse we are all familiar with?

Had to cut it down to fit into the 11 minute youtube limit but it still flows.

Mario and all related characters and elements are owned by Nintendo.

Doctor Who The Adventure Games: Episode One [City of the Daleks] Review

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*New epsiode: Blood of the Cybermen is out soon*

Ever wanted to be the Doctor's companion? Want to fight Daleks? Well, it seems that this is the closest you're going to get anytime soon. The Doctor unleashes his patented Sonic Screwdriver to deal some damage to non-Daleks and... sneak around.

Perfect if you want to get the Doctor on his knees for a couple of hours. Just don't get exterminated.

There's about two hours worth of game here for the grand price of nothing.

Get it here UK people:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/dw/theadventuregames/download/cityofthedaleks

I apologise if this seems a tad rushed compared to my usual reviews as I literally obtained, wrote and edited it in about three hours on the day it was released.

Knuckles' Chaotix Retrospective Review

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It's a whole new playstyle! Can you flip, spin and throw fast enough to maintain your speed? Maintaining speed while solving simple puzzles and gaining altitude is the name of the game in the absence of the Hedgehog with attitude.

I try and find out what the hell the deal was with the Sonic game that few actually played and fewer give a crap about. Wait... is it a Sonic game? Well that's debatable. It has Knuckles though! He's cool, right? It may look attractive but how does it play? Was it worth the £200+ to actually get this fat fucker of an add-on up and running? Is the combi system cool or just deadweight? Let's see...

For obscurity!

Zero Wing Retrospective Review

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Short review of Zero Wing (there isn't much to say), the arcade shooter that demands nothing from the player but all their base. Should you surrender your base? Or is this game not worth turning the main screen on?

Mega Drive exclusive too. None of that Genesis malarkey.

You are on the way to find out. Make some time.

Goin' Postal

Andrew can't come to the phone right now.

He has just forced himself through Uwe Boll's masterpiece of assery: "Postal" as he was considering reviewing it for his "Video Game Adaptation Hell" show thing... but fuck... it was worse than he thought it would be.


Ok, ok... so here's the level...



Sure, I could crack some jokes at its expense but honestly, Uwe Boll needs to just shut the fuck up. If I wanted to see a ginger dude shooting up the place then I would watch "Hot Fuzz", not this tripe that feels like it was written by a five year old who found his Dad's acid supply. The jokes are poorly executed and almost entirely derogatory to some group or multiple thereof. It's childish and gives gaming a bad name. When your opening gag is the destruction of the world trade centre, you know you have problems...

You want your concentration camp theme park? You want Uwe Boll to tell you that all German's are nazis who have their films funded by Hitler's gold? You want child fatalities? Perhaps you'd like several scenes involving the ploughing of a gargantuan red neck wife? You want to see Verne Troyer assaulted by "Monkeys" that are actually Apes? You want George Bush and Osama Bin laden playing it up as best friends and nuking China? You want Uwe Boll to make more movies from people stupid enough to license him their intellectual property?

I'm sure that you don't. It's enough to make you go Postal.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm not saying that the Postal games were a benchmark in the first place or anything... 

Another week, another load.

After managing to crack out a good few more videos of various types, I'm currently working out which and what to tackle next. I spent two days writing something that I'm not going to say yet but it isn't something that one would immediately think of...

...it's for Video game adaptation hell though. I'm thinking whether I should get a female voice to counterbalance this one... not sure yet.

Anyways, if you haven't seen the Super Mario Bros movie review, the Zero Wing borderline retrospective, Pokémon video, the most psychotic of Foxes or my little foray into 8-bit Sonic then I urge you to check them out. My Doctor Who Review has attracted some controversy. I had hoped that people could deal with something being called mediocre but, nah. Fanboys.

For example. I am a fan of Sonic the Hedgehog but I will say that he has shitty games (More than not of late). We judge game-to-game, episode-to-episode. Everyone has bad ones sometime.

Been having fun.

Anyways, been playing Earthworm Jim HD today since I don't have a script I'm happy with and damn it's good. Hard as all hell but good. I miss that irreverent style... and the cows. Of course, we can't forget the cows.

Also, E3. What are you most looking forward to there? I would love to go and try my hands at Marvel vs Capcom 3 but plane tickets are not the cheapest. Ah well, that's what real journalists (and pretend ones) are there for I suppose.

Drew out.