Goin' Postal

Andrew can't come to the phone right now.

He has just forced himself through Uwe Boll's masterpiece of assery: "Postal" as he was considering reviewing it for his "Video Game Adaptation Hell" show thing... but fuck... it was worse than he thought it would be.


Ok, ok... so here's the level...



Sure, I could crack some jokes at its expense but honestly, Uwe Boll needs to just shut the fuck up. If I wanted to see a ginger dude shooting up the place then I would watch "Hot Fuzz", not this tripe that feels like it was written by a five year old who found his Dad's acid supply. The jokes are poorly executed and almost entirely derogatory to some group or multiple thereof. It's childish and gives gaming a bad name. When your opening gag is the destruction of the world trade centre, you know you have problems...

You want your concentration camp theme park? You want Uwe Boll to tell you that all German's are nazis who have their films funded by Hitler's gold? You want child fatalities? Perhaps you'd like several scenes involving the ploughing of a gargantuan red neck wife? You want to see Verne Troyer assaulted by "Monkeys" that are actually Apes? You want George Bush and Osama Bin laden playing it up as best friends and nuking China? You want Uwe Boll to make more movies from people stupid enough to license him their intellectual property?

I'm sure that you don't. It's enough to make you go Postal.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm not saying that the Postal games were a benchmark in the first place or anything...